"Quantum of Solace," loosely translated, means "I have a thesaurus and I'm not afraid to use it."
7:51 PM Nov 16th from web
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Pondering existential questions inspired by Harry Nilsson. Could I put a lime in a coconut? Should I drink them up? Would I get a bellyache?
8:04 PM Nov 11th from web
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Thinking "It's time for a change" would make a good Pampers tagline now that presidential campaigns are done using it.
5:32 AM Nov 4th from web
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Hoping tonight's Obama infomercial includes a free Ginsu Knife for all orders placed by midnight tomorrow.
7:38 AM Oct 29th from web
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Joe the Plumber has inspired a lot of cracks these last several days. Which is kind of fitting, when you think about it.
9:41 AM Oct 23rd from web
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Hey, SNL: Let's reprise Fey and Palin. But this time, invite Lisa Loeb as musical guest so we can see in triplicate.
9:13 AM Oct 21st from web
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Received latest retirement statement. Feels the 401(k) should henceforth be called the 401(not-ok).
8:56 AM Oct 15th from web
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Cannot see Russia from his window, but does have a nice view of a Russian Olive tree.
11:53 AM Oct 8th from web
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Suggested new political characters for "VeggieTales" animators: Broccoli Obama and Sugar McCain.
7:07 AM Sep 19th from web
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Has never put lipstick on pigs, but puts barbecue sauce on them quite often.
10:54 AM Sep 11th from web
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Wishing A&E's "Intervention" would do an entire episode about people who are hooked on phonics.
4:34 PM Sep 2nd from web
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Pollsters at my door, asking who I'd vote for. I said I liked CC Sabathia for the Cy Young. Pollsters made extensive notes before leaving.
10:18 AM Aug 25th from web
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Missing: Bigfoot costume and chest freezer. Reward if found.
7:25 AM Aug 21st from web
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Paris Hilton is to political discourse as Lime Jell-O is to Chateaubriand.
9:49 AM Aug 8th from web
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Guessing the most-hated restaurant among dyslexics is "Fuddruckers"
11:40 AM Jul 31st from web
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In these environmentally-sensitive times, perhaps Tom Bodett and Motel 6 shouldn't leave the light on for you.
5:36 AM Jul 22nd from web
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Bid $10.5 million for photos of the Brangelina twins. Lost. Plan B: $10 million for rare painting of dogs playing poker.
7:37 AM Jul 15th from web
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