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"Quantum of Solace," loosely translated, means "I have a thesaurus and I'm not afraid to use it."
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Pondering existential questions inspired by Harry Nilsson. Could I put a lime in a coconut? Should I drink them up? Would I get a bellyache?
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Thinking "It's time for a change" would make a good Pampers tagline now that presidential campaigns are done using it.
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Pretty sure James Garner was the original Maverick.
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Hoping tonight's Obama infomercial includes a free Ginsu Knife for all orders placed by midnight tomorrow.
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Joe the Plumber has inspired a lot of cracks these last several days. Which is kind of fitting, when you think about it.
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Hey, SNL: Let's reprise Fey and Palin. But this time, invite Lisa Loeb as musical guest so we can see in triplicate.
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Received latest retirement statement. Feels the 401(k) should henceforth be called the 401(not-ok).
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Cannot see Russia from his window, but does have a nice view of a Russian Olive tree.
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Knows the world would be a far better place if everyone had a Yodeling Pickle from Archie McPhee: http://is.gd/34pX
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Suggested new political characters for "VeggieTales" animators: Broccoli Obama and Sugar McCain.
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Has never put lipstick on pigs, but puts barbecue sauce on them quite often.
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Wishing A&E's "Intervention" would do an entire episode about people who are hooked on phonics.
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Pollsters at my door, asking who I'd vote for. I said I liked CC Sabathia for the Cy Young. Pollsters made extensive notes before leaving.
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Missing: Bigfoot costume and chest freezer. Reward if found.
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Is age 72, in Chinese Gymnast Years.
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Paris Hilton is to political discourse as Lime Jell-O is to Chateaubriand.
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Guessing the most-hated restaurant among dyslexics is "Fuddruckers"
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In these environmentally-sensitive times, perhaps Tom Bodett and Motel 6 shouldn't leave the light on for you.
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Bid $10.5 million for photos of the Brangelina twins. Lost. Plan B: $10 million for rare painting of dogs playing poker.
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