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Somewhere a man named Barack Obama sits on a toilet and thinks the same thing I do: I need to trim my toe nails.
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Why do they say, "I'm Prairie Doggin' it", when "I'm doin' a turdle!" would make more sense. And be punny.
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You may all return to your previously scheduled poop jokes, sex references, and general vulgarity.
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"But Daddy, Obama's kids are getting a puppy, why can't I?" Because Daddy voted for McCain.
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I can't remember the last time I was this proud to be an American. I am so proud of all of us.
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READY THE SHOT GLASSES AMERICA.
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When they call it for Barack, we all do a shot.
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Please make the right choice today.
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Is it too early for nachos?
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For some reason my farts smell like dog food. I don't think I ate any...
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What would be a funny name for a garbage man?
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Halloween is good because I can pretend I'm buying candy to give away.
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When it comes to sex my only rule is no ifs, ands, or butts. Literally.
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Dude, those new Macs are super sexxay.
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People peeeeeeople, get it straight. The saxophone is the devil's tool. Duh. That's why it's the only instrument capable of the brown note.
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So basically jazz is amazing. But only old jazz! None of this midi bullshit. Fuck you smooth jazz.
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Common Consensus: Excedrin Migraine. Thank you!
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Guys, what's the best headache medicine?
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This made me laugh so hard I almost peed! http://twitter.com/LevarBurton
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Someone just sent this to me. I'm going to go ahead and go on the record saying it's correct. http://tinyurl.com/3ztxxj
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