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darthvader
I may have not shot anyone in the face, but I did cut off my son's hand. Apparently that still counts for something - http://twurl.nl/gqelwr
04:17 PM October 08, 2008
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likeomg
dear everyone: i'm going to start confiscating exclamation points if you don't start using them correctly. love, heather.
09:56 PM October 01, 2008
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fulltimecasual
its fitting that my last moments on earth would be spent refreshing twitter...
12:17 AM September 10, 2008
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stilgherrian
Post-late-lunch slothfulness is the bane of hyperproductivity. So go fuck yourselves.
10:20 PM September 03, 2008
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hodgman
I am live twittering from HodgCon 08. I just saw John Hodgman drop off a FedEx package! Nothing else to report.
02:03 PM August 26, 2008
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adnrw
Dear iPhone: Thanks for auto-correcting "want" to "Wang" [capitalised, no less] in the SMS to my client. Really, thanks. Great work.
08:51 PM August 25, 2008
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likeomg
I really wish the woman facing me on this bus would put her vagina away.
03:13 PM August 24, 2008
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warrenellis
I want a tattoo over my heart that reads TRY HARDER YOU LAZY PARAMEDIC SHITBAG OR I WILL HAUNT YOUR BEDROOM FOREVER
04:13 PM August 13, 2008
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warrenellis
"Do my tight peach paisley flares and pink gullwing-collar shirt with claret tank-top turn you on? Honey, why are you sewing yourself up?"
02:15 PM August 07, 2008
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hotdogsladies
Modest change: Your life will improve a little if the last sound you hear each night is a book closing.
12:38 PM August 05, 2008
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warrenellis
I'm at the point now where I just think, y'know... fuck the bees.
04:57 PM July 31, 2008
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darthvader
Note to self: Don't upgrade firmware on chest unit to 2.0 until bugs get shaken out. Rebels not intimidated by me rebooting every 5 minutes.
07:12 PM July 21, 2008
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Ihnatko
Eddie Murphy must have really, really loved Phil Hartman. After he died, Murphy chose to honor him by living out Troy McLure's movie career.
09:40 PM July 15, 2008
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Warlach
Work is like prison and today I just kept dropping the soap...
12:23 AM July 15, 2008
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scottsimpson
Sam-I-am makes use of what we in the business world refer to as the "hard sell."
08:10 PM July 07, 2008
from txt
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scottsimpson
"So Adam is this Alone Sandwich?" God I sound like such a douche trying to explain my nerd life to my mother.
10:29 PM June 26, 2008
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stilgherrian
Dear Google, translating "Do not masturbate the goldfish" into Japanese then back should NOT yield "Goldfish masturbate" kthxbye. Try it!
04:42 AM June 17, 2008
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darthvader
You'd think that getting sand in my boot wouldn't bother me, what with the mechanical foot and all. But it does.
01:17 PM May 28, 2008
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hotdogsladies
If you unironically regard public comments on an RSS feed as "conversations" with "friends," you either need a dictionary or better friends.
04:15 AM May 22, 2008
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lu_lu
hi google. thanks for my sms reminder, but i know i'm running late already. also, i think my dress is too short.
04:41 AM May 16, 2008
from m.slandr.net
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