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eoporto
if your wife goes through 24+ hours of labor, give her the respect of cropping her face out of all photos taken in the following 24.
about 1 hour ago from web
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awryone
Good news: Cure for diabetes in mice.
Bad news: in order for the cure to work on people,
they must release whole mice into the bloodstream.
about 2 hours ago from web
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Tony_D
However you might picture the way I behave when both my coffee machine *and* Twitter are down at the same time, you're exactly right.
about 2 hours ago from web
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abigvictory
The only thing worse than making up Smiths-related jokes in your head is actually telling them to other people. Thank god twitter was down.
about 2 hours ago from web
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DieLaughing
Despite the frequent and sudden abandonment, Twitter is still the most stable relationship in my life. I <3 U Fail Whale!
about 2 hours ago from web
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apelad
Power's out in half the house. It's not the breakers. I suspect the GFCI thingees, though I'm no electrician. I do use their tape sometimes.
about 14 hours ago from web
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abigvictory
Ok, I take it back about the banana guy. There was a chick dressed up as french fries. And she had to skate with a hot dog. And she fell.
about 17 hours ago from web
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AmyJane
Jonas is talking on a pretend cell phone. He just said, "Both of my parents are in jail." That's not weird, right?
about 21 hours ago from web
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sloganeerist
Why can't I find one Git-R-Done sticker that doesn't look like it was art directed by a Napa Auto Parts employee?
I just want nice things.
about 21 hours ago from web
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peeppeep
the hot pink sheer mesh panties i am wearing today say less about sex and more about the dire laundry situation at my house.
about 21 hours ago from txt
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adtothebone
Thanks to an unsuccessful Altoids coverup of greek olives and feta, I now have the breath of a very minty goat. Hello, laaaaaaaaaadies.
about 21 hours ago from web
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