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jodyreale
The rest of my toiletries are now staging a revolt, under the leadership of my Sure Antiperspirant, b/c it was once in the armed forces.
9:22 AM Nov 11th from web
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jodyreale
I was just informed by my Crest Whitening Strip that it's, "Not a freakin' miracle worker."
8:01 AM Nov 11th from web
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jodyreale
I want to become a lawyer so that whenever someone says, "Your Honor," I can say, "Your Honor? You don't even know her!" Or not. Uh-hem.
11:42 AM Nov 6th from web
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jodyreale
There are times when I want to make up a prayer that goes something like, "Dear god, please spare me from my opinion of myself."
2:57 PM Oct 26th from web
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jodyreale
Trying to convince you that it's not always necessary to Wang Chung in order to have fun.
4:24 PM Oct 18th from web
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jodyreale
There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who really think there are two kinds of people, and those who can't count very high.
2:02 PM Oct 11th from web
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jodyreale
I once asked a narcoleptic what his sleep number was, and he said, "Yes." #narcolepsy
7:58 PM Oct 3rd from web
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bcompton
I bet even Hootie & The Blowfish won't admit they bought the Hootie & The Blowfish record.
7:13 AM Oct 3rd from web
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jodyreale
Gandhi once said he had such a busy day ahead of him that he needed to meditate a little longer. When his day was open? Wet tee contests.
8:20 AM Sep 16th from web
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jodyreale
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it probably wants to sell you something.
10:22 AM Sep 12th from web
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bettydraper
When friends put you on a pedestal, the kind thing to do is not to fall off in front of them.
9:44 AM Sep 8th from web
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jodyreale
Realizing I missed May Day, the one time a year non-strippers get to dance around a pole.
6:39 AM May 2nd from web
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