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Tonight at the bar, a girl said,"Excuse me, sir, who is that on the wall?" It was a picture of Frank Sinatra. Kill me.
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Exposing your genitals should never be your opening move when attempting to negotiate a free bus ride.
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The people reading questions in this debate are the reason you can't buy lawn darts anymore.
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I wish I was in the front row at this debate so I could do a spit take every time McCain cracks a joke.
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Just saw the hottest junkie on the subway. I totally would've chatted her up if so many of my valuables didn't fit into a single pillowcase
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I don't think Floridians should be allowed to vote. I mean, doesn't living in Florida demonstrate a long history of poor decision-making?
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Hockey playoffs game 1: win.
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Cripes, the scented candle my roommate bought last night is potent enough to get dead hooker stink out of a baseball stadium.
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Dinner tonight was like a quorum on The Wire. A TWITTER QUORUM. The decision was unanimous. @franktheguy dies.
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It was great hanging out with @effingboring, @phylhrmnix, @strutting, @remiel, @meowery, @moeria, @nancydrew2 and @albertsinclair tonight.
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Man, @effingboring makes an eggplant parmesan that will knock you back onto your coal-mining ass.
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To the girl on the train with the infected cheek piercing wearing a baha: I'm pretty sure your dad gets the message.
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This dude on the subway totally woke his girlfriend up so they could do a little frenchin'. While I watch. Listening to Van Halen.
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Everyone is aware that my last 1,171 tweets have been That's So Raven references, right?
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Oh hell yes. Midnight Meat Train is free On Demand.
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Man, it's already time for more drinking alone and self-diagnosis?
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The "Oldies but Goodies" infomercial featuring Bowzer from Sha Na Na is seriously the most mind-bending shit I've ever seen.
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@dirtpath Nah. Just what you would expect. Early polls are giving it to Palin.
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Oh for christ's sake, I've been watching this boring debate and Tombstone was on the History Channel!?!
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Biden has "a history of Getting Things Done." Geek vote clinched.
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