today i witnessed two horrifying sights: 1) my mother actually purchasing HeadOn and 2) my mother applying it directly to the forehead.
07:52 PM October 11, 2008
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fact: the day you get a flu shot will be the day that person who never playfully punches you in the arm playfully punches you in the arm.
02:56 PM October 10, 2008
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i get that you're using it in the latin sense, but i'm still going to have to request that you stop saying "cum."
07:31 AM October 09, 2008
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great. now undecided voters in the town hall's front row are going to cast their ballot based on who least violated their personal space.
06:27 PM October 07, 2008
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like a hamster running on its wheel, i just spent a considerable amount of time trying to find where a roll of toilet paper started.
09:52 AM October 07, 2008
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How is it that foreigners always seem to know more American idioms than i do?
03:25 PM October 03, 2008
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the winner of the debate so far: twitter's stability. who's a good little server?
06:56 PM October 02, 2008
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is it *really* that hard to read AMBULANCE backwards in a rear-view mirror?
03:40 PM October 01, 2008
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maybe if we take the vowels out of "mortgage," the housing market will build up again like the internet one did after that bubble burst.
11:45 PM September 30, 2008
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Horrified to discover that my current wardrobe provides me with everything i need for the 80s party i'm going to this weekend.
10:19 PM September 30, 2008
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when you tell a Whole Foods cashier that what you're paying for her product is worth it, that's when you know there's an economic crisis.
10:04 AM September 30, 2008
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you can't spell down without dow.
11:19 AM September 29, 2008
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if this bailout plan doesn't work, people will never go out. how much live-twitter-what-you're-watching-at-home are we expected to handle?
08:34 AM September 28, 2008
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"you were laughing in your sleep last night." being echuckles is a 24-hour operation.
07:16 AM September 28, 2008
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the first candidate to articulate a plan for removing Jason Mraz from the airwaves gets my vote.
01:50 PM September 27, 2008
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to the woman in the bath products section who farted and then commented on how good the soaps smelled: wow.
just- wow.
01:18 PM September 27, 2008
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dining tonight at one of those restaurants that doesn't serve cooked food. i won't get in trouble if i yell "GIVE IT TO ME RAW," right?
03:35 PM September 26, 2008
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WaMu's slogan up until today: WooHoo! WaMu's slogan today: BooHoo!
12:42 PM September 26, 2008
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The great thing about being a hypochondriac in new york is you can find doctors who are as neurotic as you are.
03:54 AM September 24, 2008
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