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blackninja
Texas Department of Transportation car gets in an accident going 90+ in a 65. This sets the land speed record for hypocrisy.
about 17 hours ago
from txt
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strutting
The weather has turned cold and revealed some difficult truths. Like, for example, did you know they still make Uggs?
07:56 PM October 05, 2008
from twitterrific
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ShuffShuff
I am saving my roommate's relationship by stuffing her phone down my pants.
08:17 PM October 04, 2008
from web
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AmyJane
I bought a gigantic lightsaber from Pottery Barn for Jonas's wall. I think it's clear I should no longer have access to the money.
05:55 PM October 04, 2008
from web
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phyllisstein
There's nothing more frustrating than sharing a sidewalk with people who do not share your belief that it is a catwalk.
05:28 PM October 03, 2008
from Twinkle
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gretchasketch
Pointing out the obvious here, but the sound of stepping on crunchy leaves really is heavenly.
03:58 PM October 03, 2008
from web
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shoesonwrong
Stop coming by unannounced. "Drop by anytime!" Is just one of those things you say but don't mean like, "You look great!" or "I love you."
02:49 PM October 03, 2008
from web
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Maggie
Am officially willing to plunger someone else's mess out of the coffee shop toilet. People, you want me on your team.
11:27 AM October 03, 2008
from web
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SuperSanko
Guy. Girl. I don't what that was, but it should NOT have been wearing shorty shorts.
03:48 PM October 02, 2008
from web
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gordonshumway
I think it defeats the purpose of the 100 calorie pack of Teddy Grahams if you eat six bags of them. Especially drizzled with syrup.
03:37 PM October 02, 2008
from web
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Remiel
"Hate paying utility bills? So do we! Re-use your towels, turn off your lights, and we'll give you candy." - If I ran a hotel
03:33 PM October 02, 2008
from web
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emilybrianna
As my heels slid across the slippery tiles, and my open bag of m&ms flew from my hand, I thought, "People on the Internet think I'm funny."
10:31 AM October 02, 2008
from web
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gordonshumway
Him, via text: "I'm at In N Out Burger and you're not".
Me, via text: "I'm in my pants and you're not."
Verdict: Draw.
11:24 AM October 01, 2008
from web
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jackholt
I have decided to stop having panic attacks and start having picnic attacks.
10:05 AM October 01, 2008
from web
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CcSteff
I teach n00bs running etiquette with my elbows. I also refer to them as mudbloods. I am the fucking Lucius Malfoy of running.
06:51 AM October 01, 2008
from web
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califmom
@Rachelskirts See. Underwear is even more important than breakfast. It stays with you ALL day.
06:33 PM September 30, 2008
from web
in reply to Rachelskirts
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evany
Me, after a chorus of beeps indicating the mass arrival of conference callers, "What's up, Beeps?" Beeps: Total silence.
05:15 PM September 30, 2008
from txt
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badbanana
I'm not saying Secretary Paulson is Lex Luthor. I'm just saying $700 billion is exactly enough to build a death ray.
01:15 PM September 30, 2008
from web
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smartasshat
I think my resistance to shitting at work is rooted in my irrational fear of catching my shirt between the toilet paper and my ass.
11:51 AM September 30, 2008
from web
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Ihnatko
On some big Venn diagram, The Big Bang Theory is at the intersection between "Laughing at me" and "Laughing _with_ me."
05:15 PM September 29, 2008
from web
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